The background on Mr. Perfect...
Okay, so here's the scoop on my fear of Mr. Perfect...
I've done some pretty stupid things and made really bad decisions on who I hung out with and some of the place I've gone. I'm not saying that I'm cured of all that I do wrong-- I know with my upcoming job and future goals, I will be more focused on what I really want, but I have gone some really crazy places and said and done some really crazy things.... I know I can't go back and fix it. Adam is so not into all the craziness- I've played a lot of games with guys in the past and hurt a lot of people. I've betrayed and lied about things before, and I cannot go back and undo those things. It is in my blood, it seems, to hurt and destroy guys who I suspect have given lines and stories to other girls and hurt them... why am I looking for such revenge? I have done some great things, too- but in this scenario, I am very different than Adam.
Why would someone so devoted to his God, family, and pure living want to be tainted with someone like me? I have been so afraid of Christian guys, and yet that's exactly the type I want to marry some day. I fear that they will leave me in the dust no matter how charming, witty and great I can be....
At any rate, I know that what I am looking for is all that Adam is... and for me to even be able to compete with the girls who adore him, I will need to completely shape up and stop the nonsense: delete all the silly phone numbers in my phone that have accumulated in the last year; I need to stop with the partying until 3:00am; I need to stop with my games with guys who I have no intention of being with. Is that possible? NOT on my own, I realize, but I had the opportunity to speak to someone of integrity and beauty today.. and that's plenty of inspiration for me... I pray that I can be a better person and clear the emotional fog that has been plagueing my mind for sometime now.... and put my focus on being who I was made to be- not who I have become.