Update

So, things have been going. The last event that we had for the group was a bonfire in Fremont at Mike and Denise's house. The turn out was wonderful!!! Mike (a different Mike) spoke and gave his testimony. He was nervous but did a good job. I felt that this fellowship was the most beautiful gift in the world- to all be together which we all will forever and ever... there was so much beauty in the conversation of just being there it was almost physically thick. God is Good!
So I went out last weekend. Ick. I went out with Tammy and girl that came to the spa- Naomi.. who turned out to be a stripper who wanted girl friends to hang out with. Yikes- I don't that that is a good idea: not what I need right now. I met a guy from Rye named Tim that I talked with for about three hours in my car. He asked to kiss me and I told him no. I felt so wonderful afterwards- I said something for myself and only thought about my direction. I felt so much lighter and better. I still do. He hasn't called me which is wonderful. I feel like it was a huge stepping stone for me to be removed from all the garbage-like habits that I have formed over the years (even though it is just once- just the first step.) I feel like I am growing. Not in the sense of growing up, mind you- but growing cleaner and better. Like a car that changes to pure, clean petroleum instead of Getty's watered-down, dirty, muddied version. The performace is better with pure fuel. It is faster and more directed.. no putting, stalling, or back firing.
I am still, however, aching to find the person that I will marry. I am waiting ever so anxiously for him to show up.. to sweep me off my feet.. to complete me with opposite strengths and weaknesses... to be the object of my deep emotions and affections... to dance with me and love me passionately... It sounds so silly to write it down! Is he a missionary in Africa and is busy saving lives for Christ? Is he a warrior for his loved ones and too caught up with them to come out and find me where I am? I am so tired of looking and searching for him.. I've looked everywhere! I have put out so much effort to find this guy that is perfectly wired for me and me for him.... is that possible? Or am I going to die early and never marry? If so, I guess it would be better to guess than to know, but I am so hungry to find out. There are so many people who tell me that it's not all it's cracked up to be... marraige and such, but I don't agree. It depends on the people in that bond that make it what it is. Just marrying for the sake of taxes or convienience, for example, would end up a disaster. I can't wait to pour out my life into his-- to share and be known; to know and love deeply: I have these strong desires, so why do I doubt that God will fulfill them in my life? He is doing to much in my life right now.. I don't think that doubting is even logical. I will wait for the ultimate match-maker and stop worrying the best that I can. Thank You for looking out for me!!