Lately

Work has been going well- the trip to Philadelphia is coming up soon-- I told the Spa Director that I was not able to go for financial reasons... we have to pay for our hotel room and food which I need to save to be able to move into this apartment asap! (By April 22nd!) I am going over to the Miller's house tonight at 5:30 to look at the apartment and to have some dinner-- hooray! :) The apartment has a washer/dryer, dishwasher, two bedrooms, window furnishings, carpet, security deposit included. I would only pay for electricity and heat: not bad! So it would be a total of about $500/month which is dirt cheap!!
The latest on the guy front: Jay is still my bunny- it seems like he will always be in my life. I adore him and need him for support- He's like the best friend/father/voice of reason in my life. Thank goodness. I really am thankful to have him in my life. He wasn't very supportive about the apartment as I would have to find a roommate and he was worried that she would be either a bad influence or irresponsible. FD is still in my life but will soon be exiting. Ya know: I'm really not into tattoos at all and he keeps getting more and more of them. He bruised my arm in play-fighting because I bumped his newly-tattooed arm. I am a woman who does NOT like to be treated like that: I am not another guy who you can play fight with.. (ie: no wrestling!) It's a turn off and makes my stomach sour. He keeps calling me and wanting me to come over. I am loosing the desire to even do that! I want to be treated with respect, and I want to settle down. I know he is not the one. I know this.
TH is a relentless battle of running the other direction. When I went out with my friend Roy for a bit, he was there. Trying to chat with me for an hour about something that he was buying. I was really bored with the conversation and just kept my eyes on the DJ booth. He kept trying to talk to Roy, but Roy just laughed in his face and walked away. I feel bad that he comes my direction, and I really wish he would find a girlfriend to make him feel better. He has a very dark and bad side to him- he's a schemer. He really does not have a concept of how to relate and be friends with someone so he seems to plan a way into their lives. Very interesting.
I pushed JZ out of my life this month. He called the other day very upset because he had poured out his heart and I left him out in the cold. I honestly don't believe that he knows what love is. There is no way that he can love me: we have known each other for four years, but we have been friends. I made the mistake of kissing him two years ago when I was out in the bar scene in his college town.
Ever since: he's wanted to be with me and I must admit that at one point I liked him, too: but not how he cares. I can't. I am emotionally stunted. Roy and I went out to Banana's last week to just hang out and listen to the DJ (James :), and he told me a bunch of things about Adam that shattered my heart. He told me that after the two of us broke up he continued to bounce at the club in the next town over. (That I knew about.) He turned into a slut. What did he mean by that you say? He slept with basically every girl who walked into the club: he was bragging to Roy that that night, two girls had just 'serviced' him in the bathroom moments earlier. Who is this boy? I don't feel like I ever knew who Adam was, now. I thought that I knew him with every piece of my being, but from hearing this, my hope of a man being able to be honest with me went right out the window. Ouch. So painful and slicing right through my heart.

A country singer speaks the words that I would like to say:

I'm moving on!
At last I can see:
life has been patiently waiting for me.
And I know there's no guarentee
but I'm not alone.
There comes a time in every (woman's) life,
Where all he can see are the years passing by.
And I have made up my mind
and I'm not alone.
I'm moving on!