Responding to Di's Email...

Thank you, sweetie :) You know, it really has been a long time coming... and thank goodness it came in time- yah know? It's funny, I never thought of family as being such a vital part of life, but honestly it has been grounding for me and a wakeup call that love is not something that is earned... (crazy concept, but an honest struggle!).. it is something that does not come from actions alone, but almost by situations- who is placed in my path and how they are 'kin' (if that's the word I am looking for) to me. I know that I love my family and church family- not because of anything that they've done for me (although they have done immense things), but because they have a space reserved for them in my heart, I guess I could say, and I will work toward knowing more about them and have 'shared experiences' with them because I love them. It's an epiphany-type of realization that I allows me to feel the beginnings of 'wholeness' in the sense that I have been looking for a purpose and meaning and a direction in my life (to avoid or start fresh), but I realize that I need to find out who I am: right here, right now- where I am sitting... not far away in a situation set up by my own planning... but in a place where reality and opportunites are actually EVERYWHERE- to change and grow and feel even more conquerous because I have started to open my eyes and really look at things around me...
Well, thank you for the sweet encouragement... the same goes for you, sweetie: finding someone who is just right comes in time (I know this personally, but being demanding is in my veins I think); and finding someone who is on the same planet in terms of maturity and goals and previous trials is very hard to do.. but I have this really strange feeling lately (as in today..hehehe) that waiting is perfect for right now. Not 'waiting' as in stopping and being still and stagnant: rather being alive and growing until I happen upon someone who comes at the right time- but knowing that there are trillions of people out there with different dynamics and history... and there just might be someone out there who fits our needs and we fit theirs (is that called a soul mate... hmmm). At any rate, I think it will be interesting to have this conversation in a year and laugh at how far we've come- you with your dreams of opening up your own business and growing and living fully, and me on this current journey of getting the heck out of this skin of old habits... to be two, totally different (but also totally the same) girly-girls, from the year past... who have moved on and conquered the next step. :)