So, where am I at?
So, where am I at right now?
I look at where I've been traveling, and I have found that I am on a new path now-- I see that in the way I am viewing the future- now: with hope and purpose- as opposed to just wasting time until something 'happens' in my life to make it different. I am focused more on improving myself and being active and alive in doing the things that will be rewarding and fulfilling as opposed to the empty life that defined me a couple of months ago. It seems to me that the music I listen/listened to and wanted to know more about (Trance/House/etc.) had a beat that seemed to bring out things in me that were not light and vibrant (how I think I was created to be)-- it was more dark and fast paced- and it trickled into my everyday life... the pace picked up and things were very difficult to deal with. I know that I will always love the slower trance songs-- like Nick Warren, Push, and some of the dance-cheese like BT... but if God is going to work in my life, I want to change and have the strength to do so. My life was headed towards destruction and unhappiness. I feel that God allowed me to go to school and be an esthetician so that I would have purpose. It's funny, though- there are many little facets of my personality that seem to almost be wired to do this kind of work- there is always room for improvement; there is always updates and more knowlege to learn in the area of skin care; new clients everyday; knowledge in products and the ingredients in them; there is so much room to help people with things that maybe ailing them and making them feel less confident about themselves; it's the type of career that does not keep you behind a desk, and lastly: I can go wherever I want to in the world and do Esthetics- Australia (Dermologica) or Europe for example. There is Post-Graduate work that can be done in Boston- etc!!!
I pray that You can help me to stay on track- I need the strength to improve and be what You created me to be- not someone who is always doing when they want when they want to, but someone whom you are happy with- a person whom you created that takes joy in your work... and does something with it. I know that my desire to change came from a cry out to You, but YOU were the one that kept it active in my 'system'.
You have kept my emotions steady for the last month or so- I am beginning to think clearer-- I think my mind was actually NUMB: so cold that it couldn't retain ANY information... I couldn't remember anything that people told or explained to me-- I forgot pretty much every event that I voluneered or wanted to do... it was as if there was an actual cloud or film between my eyes and brain-- and the two could not connect. I know that the information is there.. somewhere... but I was not able to come together. I can still feel the numbness, but it feels as if I am walking out of the suffocating room to the sunny outdoors. I guess that's what alcohol and fast paced living (no sleep/club atmosphere/diet issues/etc.)
I look at where I've been traveling, and I have found that I am on a new path now-- I see that in the way I am viewing the future- now: with hope and purpose- as opposed to just wasting time until something 'happens' in my life to make it different. I am focused more on improving myself and being active and alive in doing the things that will be rewarding and fulfilling as opposed to the empty life that defined me a couple of months ago. It seems to me that the music I listen/listened to and wanted to know more about (Trance/House/etc.) had a beat that seemed to bring out things in me that were not light and vibrant (how I think I was created to be)-- it was more dark and fast paced- and it trickled into my everyday life... the pace picked up and things were very difficult to deal with. I know that I will always love the slower trance songs-- like Nick Warren, Push, and some of the dance-cheese like BT... but if God is going to work in my life, I want to change and have the strength to do so. My life was headed towards destruction and unhappiness. I feel that God allowed me to go to school and be an esthetician so that I would have purpose. It's funny, though- there are many little facets of my personality that seem to almost be wired to do this kind of work- there is always room for improvement; there is always updates and more knowlege to learn in the area of skin care; new clients everyday; knowledge in products and the ingredients in them; there is so much room to help people with things that maybe ailing them and making them feel less confident about themselves; it's the type of career that does not keep you behind a desk, and lastly: I can go wherever I want to in the world and do Esthetics- Australia (Dermologica) or Europe for example. There is Post-Graduate work that can be done in Boston- etc!!!
I pray that You can help me to stay on track- I need the strength to improve and be what You created me to be- not someone who is always doing when they want when they want to, but someone whom you are happy with- a person whom you created that takes joy in your work... and does something with it. I know that my desire to change came from a cry out to You, but YOU were the one that kept it active in my 'system'.
You have kept my emotions steady for the last month or so- I am beginning to think clearer-- I think my mind was actually NUMB: so cold that it couldn't retain ANY information... I couldn't remember anything that people told or explained to me-- I forgot pretty much every event that I voluneered or wanted to do... it was as if there was an actual cloud or film between my eyes and brain-- and the two could not connect. I know that the information is there.. somewhere... but I was not able to come together. I can still feel the numbness, but it feels as if I am walking out of the suffocating room to the sunny outdoors. I guess that's what alcohol and fast paced living (no sleep/club atmosphere/diet issues/etc.)
posted by Laura Alden at Monday, August 23, 2004
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