Friday, August 20, 2004
So... just as I closed my last entry box, I check my inbox and find a return message from Adam!!! Oh my goodness. So, I went into work and told Tammy who gave me the courage to write him back... I had no idea what to write. He did, however, leave the email with an open-ended question... I worried over the email I wrote for about 45 minutes during work (between clients and calls) and changed it about a 100 times. I felt a bit lightheaded when I pressed the send button. I'm okay now.
The HUGE bouquet of flowers that Tony sent me (with the cute little stuffed dog) sits at my work in the tea room- it was so beautiful- roses and lillys (my ultimate favorite)- just plain beautiful! Every person who works there asked me who they were from and if I was going out with this guy... I left them at work for everyone else to admire: I couldn't take them home.. what would I do with a huge bouquet of flowers that come from someone whom I don't love? The only contact I have had with him in the last week is when I text messaged him, "Thank you... I absolutely love them- perfectly beautiful..." and in response, I got the message after school, "I'm glad you like them. I will be at legends when you get out". Yeah. I won't be there because you sent me flowers. I won't be there because you expect something in return for the kind gesture of sending flowers- because I won't be calling back.
I want to focus now- I know who I am looking for and what I really desire... I have an idea that I have met him, but I don't think he is who he will become yet and that's why I don't know him... 'know' in the sense that I may not have met him yet... or maybe I can't see him for who he is.. or maybe he's in a different state or country... Scotland, perhaps? :) :) :) Who knows. All I know is that I am a damsel in distress, and I have a need to be rescued and fought for-- who will he be? Maybe I won't live to ever meet this guy or maybe I have made too many mistakes to ever meet him. Maybe I have walked away from him or maybe I passed him in my car today; maybe he was killed in the hugely powerful and glorious thunderstorm that we had tonight. Maybe I was ment to be single forever and am built to serve for one purpose- one moment in time- one brave or cowardly action that will change things as we know it. Maybe.
So... just as I closed my last entry box, I check my inbox and find a return message from Adam!!! Oh my goodness. So, I went into work and told Tammy who gave me the courage to write him back... I had no idea what to write. He did, however, leave the email with an open-ended question... I worried over the email I wrote for about 45 minutes during work (between clients and calls) and changed it about a 100 times. I felt a bit lightheaded when I pressed the send button. I'm okay now.
The HUGE bouquet of flowers that Tony sent me (with the cute little stuffed dog) sits at my work in the tea room- it was so beautiful- roses and lillys (my ultimate favorite)- just plain beautiful! Every person who works there asked me who they were from and if I was going out with this guy... I left them at work for everyone else to admire: I couldn't take them home.. what would I do with a huge bouquet of flowers that come from someone whom I don't love? The only contact I have had with him in the last week is when I text messaged him, "Thank you... I absolutely love them- perfectly beautiful..." and in response, I got the message after school, "I'm glad you like them. I will be at legends when you get out". Yeah. I won't be there because you sent me flowers. I won't be there because you expect something in return for the kind gesture of sending flowers- because I won't be calling back.
I want to focus now- I know who I am looking for and what I really desire... I have an idea that I have met him, but I don't think he is who he will become yet and that's why I don't know him... 'know' in the sense that I may not have met him yet... or maybe I can't see him for who he is.. or maybe he's in a different state or country... Scotland, perhaps? :) :) :) Who knows. All I know is that I am a damsel in distress, and I have a need to be rescued and fought for-- who will he be? Maybe I won't live to ever meet this guy or maybe I have made too many mistakes to ever meet him. Maybe I have walked away from him or maybe I passed him in my car today; maybe he was killed in the hugely powerful and glorious thunderstorm that we had tonight. Maybe I was ment to be single forever and am built to serve for one purpose- one moment in time- one brave or cowardly action that will change things as we know it. Maybe.
posted by Laura Alden at Saturday, August 21, 2004
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