Sunday, August 22, 2004
Yesterday's "Group' event went well at Erin's house. I brought Josh along to have a little bit o' fun. We watched the Emperor's New Groove.. very funny movie! The turn out was the Dipipos, Erin, Jacob, Zack, Eric and Kathy and I. We played Mario Cart on the Game Cube for a while and then watched the movie... Erin made brownies with vodka and black pepper in it!!! Whoa! They were really good.
School was fun as well... we learned about machines ( I want to buy a high frequency machine!) and I had a 'Cellulite Reduction Treatment' that acted as a detox treatment- I got very flushed and then very red afterwards- I was told by Tobey that I should not run or eat animal products (or anything heavy) for that night or so because my body had/was going to release toxins (poisins) into my blood stream- and then out of my body through the lymph system. Very interesting! I drank about 4-5 litres of water, too! Phew!
After the group event at Erin's, Josh and I drove around for about an hour and a half and talked about what we were looking for in a relationship..(this all started from the night before last when he left a message at 1am on my phone that he missed me essentially and wanted to talk to me about something.) He was very sweet in telling me that if I wanted to be with him, he was mine. I know he felt vulnerable, and I respect him for becoming vulnerable and taking a chance- because he knows my track record with guys, and he knows that I've kinda hurt him in the past. He told me that he cared very much for me-and that he had a kind of love for me- not the passionate love in, say, a marriage for example, but a type of love.
I am very happy to hear this, but at the same time, Erin was talking to me in the kitchen last night at her house about her conversation with Kathy at breakfast Saturday morning... and how Kathy was asking her how she felt about leading while dating someone who is not a Christian. Kathy AND Erin both decided that for her to be involved with a ministry and be a leader, that she and Jacob need to cool it and work towards friendship. She doesn't want to get hurt and she doesn't want to hurt him, but at the same time, she knows what's right and she knows what she has to do. Go Erin! That's such a hard decision to make! It was perfect timing, because if we hadn't talked about it last night, I know I would've excepted the offer to be with Josh without a doubt-- but being reminded that I need to stay focused and directed: God is my God and I am here to serve him-- for the past year, I have done my own thing and really found out how unfulfilling it really is. I want my life with God to be back where it was when I was at Taylor- and I want to be able to help lead this group with this energy and vibrance. I don't know where to start- I haven't formed habits yet, and I don't know how to start them again... I pray to you Lord- I DO want to serve you and do what's good in your eyes.. and that is not how I am right now. I want to be with a man who loves you and who serves you-- well before I meet him.. I don't want to be in another Adam Foster situation where I love him deeply and then think through what would happen if I married him without him being a Christian.. it would devistate our marraige and our closeness: I want to be able to encourage and be encouraged deeply in the spiritual sense with the person who I am with- I want to share with him how things are going at work, for example, and how God answered my prayer in this way (put a song on the radio when I really wanted to hear it) or that way...
Tony has text messaged me numerous times this week in hopes that I would call him back or hang out with him... I got a text message from him last night (I read it this morning) that said, "I thought you respected me more than you do but thats okay i still love you regardless; yes love. I have your ring you cant avoid me if you want it back." The next message said, "call me". I am FURIOUS. I am just really irked that someone would claim that to get me to call them and hang out. That is drastic measures. Maybe lust or infatuation, but love is very, very different. Love is patient and love is kind.... He doesn't even know me! By him being in my life (I haven't talked to him in two weeks) I have weathered a couple of friendships in the process of hanging out with thim, I don't want to further hurt anyone else or waste my own time. Why would I call him back? Why would I want to keep ties with him? I've learned that that doesn't work.
Yesterday's "Group' event went well at Erin's house. I brought Josh along to have a little bit o' fun. We watched the Emperor's New Groove.. very funny movie! The turn out was the Dipipos, Erin, Jacob, Zack, Eric and Kathy and I. We played Mario Cart on the Game Cube for a while and then watched the movie... Erin made brownies with vodka and black pepper in it!!! Whoa! They were really good.
School was fun as well... we learned about machines ( I want to buy a high frequency machine!) and I had a 'Cellulite Reduction Treatment' that acted as a detox treatment- I got very flushed and then very red afterwards- I was told by Tobey that I should not run or eat animal products (or anything heavy) for that night or so because my body had/was going to release toxins (poisins) into my blood stream- and then out of my body through the lymph system. Very interesting! I drank about 4-5 litres of water, too! Phew!
After the group event at Erin's, Josh and I drove around for about an hour and a half and talked about what we were looking for in a relationship..(this all started from the night before last when he left a message at 1am on my phone that he missed me essentially and wanted to talk to me about something.) He was very sweet in telling me that if I wanted to be with him, he was mine. I know he felt vulnerable, and I respect him for becoming vulnerable and taking a chance- because he knows my track record with guys, and he knows that I've kinda hurt him in the past. He told me that he cared very much for me-and that he had a kind of love for me- not the passionate love in, say, a marriage for example, but a type of love.
I am very happy to hear this, but at the same time, Erin was talking to me in the kitchen last night at her house about her conversation with Kathy at breakfast Saturday morning... and how Kathy was asking her how she felt about leading while dating someone who is not a Christian. Kathy AND Erin both decided that for her to be involved with a ministry and be a leader, that she and Jacob need to cool it and work towards friendship. She doesn't want to get hurt and she doesn't want to hurt him, but at the same time, she knows what's right and she knows what she has to do. Go Erin! That's such a hard decision to make! It was perfect timing, because if we hadn't talked about it last night, I know I would've excepted the offer to be with Josh without a doubt-- but being reminded that I need to stay focused and directed: God is my God and I am here to serve him-- for the past year, I have done my own thing and really found out how unfulfilling it really is. I want my life with God to be back where it was when I was at Taylor- and I want to be able to help lead this group with this energy and vibrance. I don't know where to start- I haven't formed habits yet, and I don't know how to start them again... I pray to you Lord- I DO want to serve you and do what's good in your eyes.. and that is not how I am right now. I want to be with a man who loves you and who serves you-- well before I meet him.. I don't want to be in another Adam Foster situation where I love him deeply and then think through what would happen if I married him without him being a Christian.. it would devistate our marraige and our closeness: I want to be able to encourage and be encouraged deeply in the spiritual sense with the person who I am with- I want to share with him how things are going at work, for example, and how God answered my prayer in this way (put a song on the radio when I really wanted to hear it) or that way...
Tony has text messaged me numerous times this week in hopes that I would call him back or hang out with him... I got a text message from him last night (I read it this morning) that said, "I thought you respected me more than you do but thats okay i still love you regardless; yes love. I have your ring you cant avoid me if you want it back." The next message said, "call me". I am FURIOUS. I am just really irked that someone would claim that to get me to call them and hang out. That is drastic measures. Maybe lust or infatuation, but love is very, very different. Love is patient and love is kind.... He doesn't even know me! By him being in my life (I haven't talked to him in two weeks) I have weathered a couple of friendships in the process of hanging out with thim, I don't want to further hurt anyone else or waste my own time. Why would I call him back? Why would I want to keep ties with him? I've learned that that doesn't work.
posted by Laura Alden at Sunday, August 22, 2004
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