The Month of May

This month has been one of changes. Yikes. So, I was 'bullied' into working Sundays as the spa owners want a large piece of the Sunday-Spa-Goers market and because I am the newest Esthetician, I was pushed into feeling like I had to work. So Sunday thru Thursday I'll be working-- I like the idea of having Friday and Saturdays off- not too shabby. :)
I wanted to write a post to announce that I am actually dating someone for the first time since Adam! This guy was actually dating a girl at the time that I met him- he and his girlfriend, Adam and I, Mike and Meredith, and Chhay and Bee used to do things together years ago (2 or 2 1/2). I like the idea- I trust him. I definitely let my guard down and really honestly said yes to dating him last night. Mike, This New Guy and myself went out to a club down the street and there was this crazy guy (C.G.) that was trying to talk to me. Crazy. So, This New Guy was chatting with C.G and C.G told him- "May the best guy win". Yikes. So when CG asked if I was dating anyone and I told him no, and that I was single- the two guys with me are friends. I left the room to get a drink, and The New Guy heard this and came right up to me and was bent out of shape that I didn't consider him more. You want it to be official? (I can't believe that I would say that. Goodness) Yes and Yes. So as of last night- we're together. We watched movies all day today- just laid around and it was sweet to just hang out with someone and care about them for the first time.
Here's the dilemma: "I need to put up my guard with you- I'm letting it down too much"... "I've put away emotion for so long and now that it's coming back, it's coming back fast".. "I'm just on cloud nine"... etc.
Why are these statements a problem for me to hear? NOw that I am writing it down, I am finding that my mind is de-fogging and that I am sober. I've been clouded all day and now that he is gone, I am thinking that THEY ARE THINGS THAT I'VE FED PEOPLE FOR A LONG TIME. Either he is a good guy that is honest and really cares for me, or he is trying to play me to either get back at me for something or for somebody. I am feeling a bit nervous about it, but I don't know if it's me creating walls and defenses so that I am not hurt... I wish I had all the answers.
I won't write his name down just yet- I am careful as I feel like the floor is going to fall out beneath my feet because this time, I actually like him...